Элинка (elinka) wrote,

из почты - Driving in NY

There are only two things needed to drive effectively in  NY:
A horn and a middle finger.  Everything else is superfluous, including  knowing where you are going.
For those of you  who live in New  York or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise.
For those who have not traveled there before, Beware, Be Prepared and Be  Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it I Newyork, not New-York. Also, Manhattan is not  pronounced Manhattan , it is  Manhatt-in

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to  NOON.  The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum  acceptable speed on the Deegan is 85 mph.  On the Belt  Parkway it is 105 or 110.
Anything less is  considered "Sissy."

4. Forget the  traffic rules you learned elsewhere.  New York has its own version of traffic  rules.
For  example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a  four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;  However, in Staten Island and Queens, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If   you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,  cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk  at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It is another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road  construction is permanent and continuous in all of New  York .  Detour barrels are  moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle  of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more  exciting.

8. Watch  carefully for road hazards such as drunks, rats, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners,   and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of these   items.

9. Map Quest   does NOT work here.  None of the roads are where they say   they are or go where they say they go.  All the Bridge E-Z Pass lanes are moved  each night to make your ride more exciting.

10. If   someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been  "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.  If you return the flip, you will be  shot.

12. Do not   try to estimate travel time. Leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by  noon
Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

DRIVE SAFELY                    !!!
Tags: funny, nyc

  • I love New York!

    Thank you to the G-d sent NYPD traffic cop for giving my car battery a boost a block away from the WTC!

  • любимый город

    Понравилась фотография. Сколько такси в городе.

  • (no subject)

    Жду Талю около ее здания. Вокруг происходит что-то из Штаейнгартовского Нью-Йорского апокалипсиса, swat team в в черном, с автоматами, кортежи…

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